… He had stage IV cancer, but that’s not what killed him. In fact, after his first few months of chemotherapy, a scan showed that the cancer was mostly gone. Then, a few weeks later, he died suddenly in his sleep. We declined to do an autopsy, but from talking to doctors it seems that there’s a good chance it was a blood clot.

I have since learned that there is a strong association between cancer and blood clots, and I felt compelled to write here and share some information.

Both chemotherapy and cancer increase the risk of blood clots. The CDC reports that blood clots are the second-leading cause of death among people with cancer. According to the National Blood Clot Alliance, blood clots affect 900,000 people every year in the U.S., and 1 in 5 are related to cancer and cancer treatment. The alliance notes that the risk of a dangerous blood clot “is greatest in the first few months after a cancer diagnosis.” The more advanced a cancer is, the higher the risk of blood clots.

Symptoms include:

• Swelling, pain or tenderness in the arms or legs.

• Skin on the arms or legs that is discolored and/or warm to the touch.

• Difficulty breathing.

• Chest pain that intensifies with a deep breath.

• Faster than normal or irregular heartbeat.

Although blood clots can be deadly if left unchecked, they are preventable and treatable. I encourage anyone undergoing treatment for cancer to talk to their doctor about their risk for blood clots.

– Missing My Dad


I am so sorry for your loss, and I’m happy to print this potentially life-saving information here.


Growing up, I was always in and out of foster homes. Today, my parents and siblings are not there for me or my children. But my husband and his family have been wonderful to my children and me. They’re not even like in-laws at all; I see them more like my real family than anything else.

My parents never get my kids anything for Christmas, not even a card, yet they give all my nieces and nephews gifts (including, this past year, new iPhones). My children are older now and are used to it. They don’t really mind it. But I can’t seem to get over the fact that my parents expect us to reach out to them when they don’t reciprocate. If I approach my parents to talk about this subject, they turn it around and make us the bad guys.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I always come to family outings just to keep the peace. We distance ourselves aside from those events. What to do?

– Sad Adult Daughter


First, internalize the following: Your parents’ cold behavior is not a reflection on you. And it doesn’t mean that they don’t love you. It simply means that they have some severe limitations that make it impossible to have the type of relationship you’d wish to have with them.

I suggest attending counseling to help you establish some healthy boundaries. You might also find solace in reading “Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life” by Susan Forward, a defining work on the subject of toxic parents.

It is remarkable how you have thrived despite your parents’ shortcomings. You have developed deep, loving relationships with your husband, children and in-laws. They are your real family, in the most meaningful sense.