The stages of downsizing

While on vacation recently with a group of new friends, we talked about some of the choices we have made in our lifetime. Each had an interesting story to tell, and it reminded me of one of the more emotional choices Diane and I ever faced, and that was moving from Michigan to Ohio. The decision would have been hard anyway, but when you lived in a four-bedroom Victorian and were considering moving into a two-bedroom condo, well … it felt at times like trying to fit the foot of a giant into Cinderella's slipper. There would have to be down-sizing — just like there would have to be serious, gut-wrenching, tough decisions that needed made if this were to happen. When we eventually agreed that a move would be in our future, Diane was well into retirement, but I still was working. She had time to ponder, to process and most importantly, to plan and pack. Me, not so much. I was starting a down-sizing process from ground zero for my possessions. Looking back on it, I would equate the process to going through the seven stages of grief. Medical professionals will tell you that when grieving, one must go through shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance and hope (or variations thereof) before healing can begin for a person. Obviously down-sizing is not as dramatic as grief, but it still can be somewhat traumatic. No, there were not seven stages, but I went through four for sure. I would label them the "ok honey" appeasement stage 1, the "ok, let's get serious" stage 2; the "Bargain Bin Everything's for Sale" Stage 3 and the "Holy Smokes, this Really is Happening" stage 4. Let me explain the processes further. Stage 1 "OK Honey." Now I don't want to give you the wrong impression that I was deceitful in this stage, but let's just say I didn't fully comprehend all that I had gotten into at this point. When I was told I needed to begin weeding out decades of "stuff" I had accumulated I had no appreciation of just how hard that would be. I could look at my workbench where pill containers of miscellaneous nails and screws were being kept "because you never know when you may need one someday." I had hundreds of similar items there as well because, as we all know, one can never be too prepared. But when confronted with the decision of "should it stay or should it go," I was faced with a dilemma. At this point I believed the solution was to save 80 of these containers but get rid of 20. In that way, I reasoned, I could prove that progress was being made but at the same time, I did not forfeit too much. When Diane asked how I was coming, I could point to a box on the floor of discarded items. Of course, she would look at the area I had just worked in and shake her head. Stage 2 "OK, Let's Get Serious." After several weeks in the first stage, I began to learn that my thought process was flawed. If I hoped not to have to rent a storage unit at the other end, I needed to adopt a new strategy. In this period, I moved items from one area I was working in onto a no longer used ping pong table in the basement which I used for staging. The table allowed me to better see items and gave me a better perspective about what I was up against. It was also at this point where I began separating out items into 4 categories (keep, throw away, donate or sell.) For those I wanted to sell I began the process of online marketing and sales. Okay, so now I have gone through two rounds of down-sizing but still have a cellar full of stuff (keeping in mind one man's stuff is another man's junk.) Stage 3 "Bargain Bin Everything is for Sale." By now six weeks have gone by and I am tired of night after night working on this process. What once I had acquired because I "absolutely could not live without it" I now saw as an albatross around my neck. Diane and I decided it was time for a massive yard sale where anything (and everything) was fair game to be purchased. I believe one of the most intrusive ways to sell products today is through a yard sale, but there I was negotiating prices over items which already had been deep discounted to begin with. "Ok, you want to pay me a dollar for that fishing rod in the corner, sure … why not?" At the end of the day, anything that was not sold was either packed up to be donated or taken to the front of the house for the curb pickers. Stage 4 "Holy Smokes, This Really is Happening." Two months into the process by now, it is time to start the packing process for the new home. As you do so, however, you see that while you thought you had purged items pretty well by now, there still were more boxes being packed than you expected. It is at this stage where the final purge occurs. By now emotion is mostly removed from the equation and practicality concerning your new lifestyle has been accepted. If you only have eight inches remaining to work with in a box, you are going to wiggle all you can into that space but after that, you will easily toss what remains in the discard area. With the last box taped shut, you exhale a sigh of relief. As a veteran of this process, I can tell you that while it was not easy, the end result was definitely worth it. While I still own a lot of stuff, I have much less today than what I once did. Plus, I know where everything I own is located. Was it tough? Absolutely. Was it worth it? Indeed, it was. Would I do it again? No way Jose. I'm staying put right where I'm at. The moving process has made me appreciate the freedom that comes with shedding the unneeded of life. Bill Speer is the former publisher of The Alpena (Mich.) News. He can be reached at speers@chartermi.net.