The distance between us

All of us hope for the day to be soon that we can gather with one another without masks and without imposed distances between us. When these physical barriers go, will we be closer in the ways that matter most? Masks or no masks, standing near or far, we make assumptions about one another that can bring us together or keep us apart. Those assumptions are usually solidified much too soon without solid evidence. To fully explore the causes and effects of this human tendency, years of research continue into the physical, psychological and spiritual aspects of humans in relation to one another. For today, let's consider people we know but keep distant. You know who they are. For me, in my earliest years, it was my brother, Bill, seven years my senior. He teased and irritated me in the way siblings will, and I would respond with outsized anger. When I was 5 and he 12, we were playing baseball with his friends in the vacant lot across from our house. Bill, a stand-out Little League player in our small town, had invited me to play! I was pumped. The game was going well. I actually made it to the bases, probably because they allowed me a pinch hitter. The next batter hit the ball out of the lot, so he and I were running the bases. When I stepped past third, Bill yelled, "Go home, Kathy! Go home!" My 5-year-old brain heard him not cheering me on, but telling me to leave the game and run across the street to our home. Just like Bill! So I did sprint home, red-faced and crying, skipping home plate altogether. Mother came out the front door with me in tow, ready to referee another conflict. The truth, of course, settled the matter and my rage, leaving me with a bit of well-earned embarrassment. Completing the overturn of my world order, Bill was actually nice about it, explaining with kindness what he had meant and how well I had done, not mentioning that I had cost the team a run. I am happy to report that my brother and I have not needed a referee for decades now. Many times since then, in far more consequential situations, I have seen the power of verifying both negative and positive assumptions about others. It works well, only if we can be honest about ourselves and be honestly open to understanding the complexities of the other person. When our masks and distancing mandates are removed, I hope we will all see one another more clearly and more charitably. Fell is president of the University of Findlay.