Rigid personality traits shine in pandemic's light

The current pandemic is certainly bringing out a lot in ourselves and those around us as far as personality traits are concerned. Strict adherence to guidelines laid out by medical experts have helped to keep us and those we love safe and healthy. Wearing masks. Washing hands. Keeping 6 feet apart. People we used to consider obsessive (beliefs or thoughts) and compulsive (actions) have exactly the life skills needed to survive this pandemic. With the pandemic reinforcing these behaviors, a personality can become more "set in stone" or what we call rigid, losing the ability to bend or adapt. Think of the child's game "step on a crack and you break your mother's back." It took some energy and concentration, so you could only do it for a short time. Now think of this on the adult level. For an entire year. We all know rigid thinkers. I think of it as habits that have become set in stone and beliefs that are not examined but accepted as gospel and never examined again. Think of those who believe there is only one way to train a dog, only one church that has the "correct" message, only one way to raise a child. The reality is that life would be very boring if we all only wore the "right outfit" or uniform and looked alike. That is the way of cults and gangs and secret organizations. The truth is that there are many acceptable ways to do and behave. One has only to visit various parts of our country to recognize the different dialects and accents there are in the U.S. Add in the globe, and languages only add to the wonders of our world. The same is true in all aspects of our lives. It can take more effort, but celebrating diversity is certainly a worthwhile goal. So what will life be like as the pandemic eases? I have greatly missed restaurants but admit we will likely go out to eat during the week when they are likely to be less crowded rather than our pre-pandemic ritual of Friday dinner out with friends. I will very much pay attention to the spacing of tables and to the ventilation systems — something I never did before the pandemic. I am less likely to stand in long lines and will likely keep up the habit of spacing when in a line of any size. I love entertaining, but will most likely be doing so in smaller groups rather than the large parties we have enjoyed in the past. Now that our family is vaccinated or in the process, I am very much looking forward to family gatherings. The larger reunions with folks from all over the country will have to wait a few years. Rigid personality traits that have become more set can border on the paranoid. I know I have found myself wondering at persons in stores who refuse to wear a mask or wear it correctly or keep physically distant: "Are they deliberately trying to endanger others?" A person closer to the paranoid side of this could think that others were even trying to kill people with this dreadful virus. The opposite is also true. People refuse to wear masks or gather in large groups because no one is going to "take away their rights." They cling to religious practices they don't understand or exert control over others just because they can. I find it curious that they obey stop signs and light signals, likely wear their seat belts, use their brakes and pay their taxes, but then sometimes rigidity makes no sense; it just is. While intellectually committed to an attitude of optimism, the pandemic has made many of us more questioning and even fearful of others. That is a change but may not be all bad. For many in our world, it has always been a dangerous place. That danger is now more out in the open and more of us are aware of it. Maybe we can learn to listen to others and the dangers they experience so that we can begin to understand how others experience the world and help to make it a better place. Being aware is the first step to making changes to limit danger or make it go away. I am reminded of the analogy of a closet in need of being cleaned out. With the door closed and the light off, the mess is not the least bit noticeable. When the door is opened and light turned on, the real work can begin. If you are having a difficult time with the changes this pandemic has made in yourself and in our world, find someone to talk to. If needed, there are many capable therapists to assist you in opening that closet door and turning on the light. We can work together to make this world a safer place for us all. Stephani, LISW-S, DCSW MAC, is an outpatient therapist at Firelands Counseling and Recovery Center in Fostoria and Fremont, and on professional staff at the Ohio State University at Lima.