Workshop will help community address pandemic grief

After a year defined by the COVID-19 pandemic, many people are experiencing grief and loss in one way or another. An upcoming workshop on grief sponsored by Family Resource Center intends to offer ways to address those emotions. "Caring for Others and Ourselves in a Time of Loss" will feature speaker Douglas C. Smith, MDiv, MA, MS. The event, scheduled from May 18-20, is part of Family Resource Center's suicide prevention grant. Grant manager Maggie Brown said grief and loss can lead to increased anxiety, which may in turn lead to suicidal ideation for some people. "As we enter year two of this pandemic, we have been living in a culture defined by the loss of so many things we used to take for granted. While vaccines will help us fight the physical threat of the virus, the emotional and psychological threats we have experienced will need addressed as we move forward and beyond COVID-19," states a flyer on the workshop. "This workshop will focus on how we might address the residual and ongoing emotional and psychological suffering that our clientele, family, friends, and neighbors are working through as well as our own professional and personal needs." Smith, who lives in Florida, has been traveling the country since 1995 training hospice workers. He has 14 years' experience as a parish minister and has written eight books on counseling, including "Being a Wounded Healer, How to Heal Ourselves While We are Healing Others." For the last five years he has been the lead instructor for the University of Wisconsin's Grief Support Services certificate program, and he is the lead instructor for the recently established Lay Ministry Training Center. He said he always teaches "with a lot of stories," and case examples, giving tools that people can use for themselves or their neighbors. And, he said, he plans to spend "little, if any, time" on theory or academic texts, instead focusing on things people can use. At the upcoming presentations, Smith plans to talk about the varieties of grief that can come up with regard to COVID-19. All shapes and sizes At first the virus was seen as something that was "over there," not here, either in China or, later, in a few specific cities in the United States, Smith said. People locally may have experienced vicarious grief — that is, grieving because others were grieving. As the virus spread, this turned into "anticipatory" grief, as people recognized that it would affect us. "Then it began to hit home," he said. Smith said "all different kinds of grief have come about." This includes "disenfranchised grief," meaning that if someone felt like they were taking the pandemic seriously but others weren't, they may have felt their grief "belittled." In his own community, he recently saw children waiting for a school bus wearing masks, not playing as they ordinarily would. This, too, is a type of loss, he said. While the pandemic has entered a new phase with more people now vaccinated, it isn't over. And Smith said the losses of the past year aren't something that will easily be forgotten. He pointed out that Americans continue to grieve over the events of September 11, 2001, for example. "That grief is going to last a while," he said of the pandemic. Amber Wolfrom, employer outreach specialist at Family Resource Center, said her background in trauma-informed care shaped her perspective of how anxiety, depression and isolation were increasing with the pandemic. She stressed that we don't know what's going on in someone else's household, or how they're processing what's happening. Someone who has lost a job might tell a person who's still employed, "You're lucky" — but they don't know what else that person is going through, or what other losses they might be experiencing. She encouraged "having space and grace for each other" as we go through these losses as an entire nation. And she urged people to have their "antennas up" for what other people might be experiencing. Differing perspectives The workshop will be held on May 18 for the spiritual community; on May 19 for those in the helping professions; and on May 20 for the community as a whole. All are from 11 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. Wolfrom said the three events targeting different groups will allow Smith to personalize the message for each session. Churches are often a source of connection for people, and that has felt "so fragmented this year," she said. Smith said he is defining "spirituality and religion" very broadly. But often it can be "the glue that holds people's world together," he said. Those working in mental health care are seeing clients come in for treatment who have never sought treatment before, Wolfrom said, and might be wondering, "How do you say what's normal and not normal this year?" And, Brown said, these care providers might themselves be experiencing their own losses. As for the general public, Smith said everyday people will find tools they can use if, say, their neighbor says he or she has been having difficulty dealing with the pandemic. He said he hopes attendees come away from the presentation with tools they can use that very day. We all, as a community, "want this weight to lighten," he said. Wolfrom said people can register for whichever of the three categories they think will benefit them the most. Advance registration is encouraged. And she noted that, since it's on Zoom, people who, say, work in Hancock County but live in another county are welcome to register. To register for the event, visit https://www.frcohio.com/training Arthurs: 419-427-8494