Learn to read your lovemap

According to Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D. in her article "10 Ways to Read Your Lovemap," a lovemap is a person's ideas of how a relationship should be. She describes it as the GPS that guides us in our relationships. Our lovemap begins to form as we observe how our parents relate to each other. As young children, we see how our parents express love to each other, how they argue, their frequency of arguing, how they divide family responsibilities, etc. Those observations form our basic expectations of how partnered life should be. Our lovemap is also influenced by observing couples close to us, such as grandparents and friends' parents. Our own experiences in relationships also affect our lovemaps, as do the culture around us and religious teachings. I challenge you to analyze your own lovemap. A good way to start is to examine your parents' relationship. How much anger did they tolerate? Did they value harmony over arguing out their differences? Did they divide responsibilities based on gender? How did they make decisions? How much time did they spend alone together? Did they have a good balance of work and family life? Who made more sacrifices? After examining your parents' relationship, examine your own lovemap and how it has changed over the years. Explore the other factors that influenced your lovemap, including your observations of other couples. What cultural and religious influences can you identify? How did your experiences in relationships change or reinforce your lovemap? What part of your lovemap works well for you? What do you want to change? The power to make our relationships better comes from understanding the influences of the past. Understanding your unique lovemap will be a great help. Goebel-Komala, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist who has been doing general practice for 18 years and is now qualified to treat relationship and sexual issues. She can be reached at 419-889-7807.