Sorting through a houseful of memories

No one likes moving, but it can be especially trying for seniors who have lived in their home for decades and are now faced with the prospect of downsizing. "When you've got a home filled with a lifetime worth of stuff, there often comes a time when you've got to part with some of it," said Deb Harvitt, a clutter consultant and longtime professional organizer. It can be a difficult process, she said. "It's hard for the older people to realize that the younger generation does not want their stuff. That is the most difficult thing we face is they've saved all of this for their kids, and their kids don't want it," she said. The reality is that the next generation lives very differently, said Harvitt. They don't live in the same place for 30 years because jobs often have them moving every few years. "So for them to be, I guess I should say responsible for grandma's china cupboard and moving it eight to 10 times, they don't want that," she said. "It's not that they don't care. They just don't want that responsibility and it's expensive to move." So china and crystal have no purpose in their home if they can't put it in the dishwasher and use it in the microwave, said Harvitt. "It's very hard for people to understand. It's painful that, 'I've saved this for generations and they don't want it,'" she said. "I think that's the hardest thing for the older people who are downsizing." She said the first step is talking with clients about their new home and what items they positively want to keep. "The other thing is I don't judge what they want. I don't have to know why it's important to them. That's none of my business. The fact that it is is all that matters," said Harvitt. She said oftentimes friends or relatives will try to tell a senior what they should and shouldn't keep. "How do you know?" asked Harvitt. "Just because it doesn't look important to you doesn't mean it's not important to them." Harvitt said she once dealt with family members who were concerned about an older relative's situation. "I said, 'Well, I have a question for you. Would you like me to come into your house and start getting rid of your things?'" Harvitt recalled. The family member countered that she didn't have a problem with clutter. "I said, 'Maybe I think you do.' It's not about right and wrong. It's about, OK, this is how this person chooses to live. So that's the hardest part most of the time," she said. Harvitt said sometimes she helps people sort through clothes and books by going through each item individually. "I remember picking up and discussing over 900 books with a man," she said. "He had an entire room filled with books. I would pull one off the shelf and say, 'Are we keeping this or are we not keeping this?'". The man often agreed to sell many of the books, she said, but only after he told her the story of why he had each volume. It can be a very time consuming process, said Harvitt, and that's where people tend to lose patience. So instead of concentrating on what to get rid of, she will ask clients three questions: Do I need it? Do I love it? Where will I put it? "It's a matter of just talking to people and listening to them," she explained. "We talk about their goals for their new space. Then when we reach an impasse on some item, I ask how it fits into that vision." When there are items a person doesn't want to get rid of because it has a memory attached, Harvitt will suggest taking a picture and writing a story about why it's important to them. "If it's in a closet, in an attic, in a basement, it's not doing anybody any good," she said. "I call it releasing it into the universe so it can find its new owner. But you've kept the memory without having to house the thing." A client may have boxes of old photographs, so Harvitt will recommend digitizing them. She said she also knew a woman who sorted through her pictures, divided them up and presented them to her four children for Christmas one year. "It was fun for them to go through and reminisce. And once the photos were out of her house, she didn't care what they did with them," Harvitt said. And sometimes a client will have dish service for 12. Harvitt said they may want to condense the collection to four or even a single set of dishes, especially if they no longer entertain large groups of family members and friends. "A lot of people don't get the china out on special occasions anymore because if you do paper plates, and there are plenty of really cute pretty ones now, nobody has to wash dishes," she said. But, if a memory can be connected to a special item — such as using china to have a tea party with grandchildren — they may want to keep it later, said Harvitt. "It's all about what people want," she added. For more information, visit declutterwithdeb.com Wolf: 419-427-8419