DEAR ANNIE: I was raised during an economic ...

... depression. I had a sister who was two years older than me and a sister who was six years younger. I was a 6-year-old when my baby sister was born, and my life changed. My parents made me responsible for taking care of my baby sister. I fed her and bathed her, and if she got hurt, it was my fault. All I ever heard from my mother was, "Give it to the baby," "Let the baby have it" and, "Take the baby with you." All my free time was spent taking care of the "baby" and keeping the house clean.Where was my older sister? To this day, I don't know what was wrong with her. She refused to take any orders, never did what she didn't want to do and treated me badly. My parents couldn't do anything with her, so they just let her do her thing. I was responsible for not only taking care of "the baby" but cleaning the house and other chores - as much as a young girl could do. I wasn't mistreated, but I felt unloved by my parents.At such a young age, I didn't realize how hard it was for my parents to keep food on the table and pay rent in order to keep the family together. When I got older and understood this, my dad sat me down one day and started his conversation with: "First, your mother and I want to apologize to you for placing so much responsibility on you. We couldn't depend on your sister, and we could depend on, and trust, you." He told me how much he and my mother loved me. I was never told that before.My responsibilities didn't end until I married and left home. My older sister's behavior never changed, but my father's talking to me, and apologizing, made the remaining years at home bearable. After I became a parent and experienced hard times as a wife and mother, I realized how hard it was for my parents. The main thing is that they stayed together and kept their family together.Raised during a depression, I had many interesting stories I have shared with friends over the years, and one friend suggested I write a story of my life. I sat down at my computer one day and started writing, and I found that I was still harboring resentment. Gradually, I discovered that the more I wrote, the more I was able to forgive and let go. This also helped my son and daughter to understand why I did certain things, and they appreciated that I never forced either one of them to be responsible for the other.I am no longer in contact with my older sister, and I have a good relationship with my younger sister. Although it has been a hard life, I am thankful it has made me a better person who is a survivor. — Grateful for the Hardships Dear Grateful: Thank you for sharing your letter, which touches on three important points. One is that even though your father and mother were clearly not ideal parents and made mistakes, they recognized them and apologized. That takes a great deal of character and is an important lesson. Parents all make mistakes, but it is in the repair and acknowledgment of the mistakes that the real healing begins. What a great lesson.The second is that you allowed your hardships to make you better instead of bitter. You signed your letter "Grateful for the Hardships," and that awareness is one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself, and you are setting a marvelous example for your children and grandchildren. The third is the compassion that you have for your parents, realizing that they, too, were struggling financially and probably emotionally and that they did the best they could with what they knew at the time. They, too, were surviving. Once they knew better, they did better. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com