Navigating social exclusion as a widow

Dear Readers: Many of you wrote in regarding the newly widowed woman who stopped receiving invitations to couples' gatherings. A great number of you shared similar experiences. Below are a few letters that reflect this. Dear Widowing: The invisibility you feel often grows in proportion to how insecure other women are. If they perceive you as attractive or as a threat to their marriages, you'll quickly find yourself being treated as if you don't exist. This happens to newly divorced women as well.After my husband left me for someone else, our mutual friends stopped inviting me to their gatherings — only inviting him. One woman, "Sophie," came to my dental practice with her boys for treatment. After I finished their procedures, she started showing me photos of a party she'd hosted the previous weekend.I casually asked if my ex had been invited, and she replied, "yes." At that moment, I charged her the full price for the treatment and told her how cruel her actions were. I also informed her to find another practitioner.It felt really good to stand up for myself! I never saw her again, but her boys were clearly shocked by her behavior. Left Out Dear Annie: I read the letter from the woman who was recently widowed and dinner invitations from friends suddenly stopped. One of the reasons that the invitations stopped is that she, whether or not she knows it, has become a threat to the other marriages. The women are concerned that she will "go after their husbands."I have been a widow for over 30 years. A friend of mine, "Jane," was told by another friend, "Mary," that she was surprised that Jane was still being my friend. Wasn't she worried that I would go after her husband? It happened to me. I think you missed giving the writer a realistic reason for the drop in invitations. Been There Dear Annie: Unfortunately, single/widowed women are often excluded from most couple activities. In our society, women without a partner are seen as a threat. If the shoe were reversed, her husband would have all kinds of invitations, instructions, etc.Life is not fair, but it is what it is.I would encourage any widow to create a new life. Been There, Too Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.