Learning to love from afar

Dear Annie: I'm 63 years old, and I live alone in a quiet little house with my dog, Rosie. I like to sit on the porch in the evenings and watch the sun go down, but lately the silence feels heavier than it used to.My daughter, who is in her 30s, moved to Texas with her husband about a year ago — and since then, she hasn't spoken to me. Not a text, not a call, not even a holiday card. I send messages, reach out on birthdays, even mailed her a little photo of Rosie wearing a birthday hat.I know there's something from her childhood that she's struggling with. Something painful that she believes I didn't protect her from. And the truth is, maybe I didn't. Her father died 26 years ago, and we were both trying to survive the grief in our own ways. I was overwhelmed and didn't always see what was right in front of me. I've tried to say I'm sorry, in words and gestures, but she's built a wall I haven't been able to get through.Some days, I want to get in the car and drive the 800 miles just to knock on her door and see her face. Other days, I wonder if I should just give up and let her have the distance she clearly wants.How does a mother keep loving her child from afar when the door has been shut so firmly? Is there anything I can do to open it again — or do I have to learn to live with the silence? Grieving But Still Reaching Out Dear Grieving: Your love for your daughter is clear, and your pain is deeply felt. You've taken responsibility for the past and tried to reconnect; that takes strength.But healing takes time, and sometimes silence speaks more about a person's pain than their feelings for us. Your daughter may need distance now, but that doesn't mean she always will.Keep your heart open. Send occasional notes or memories, simple reminders that you're still here. Let her know the door is always open without pushing it.In the meantime, nurture your own life. Find joy in friendships, community and moments that make you feel whole. You are more than the silence between you.Whether or not she's ready to reconnect, keep loving her. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com