Distance and red flags

Dear Annie: My younger sister and I used to be incredibly close. We talked every day, shared everything and supported each other through some of the hardest times in our lives, including the loss of our mom. But over the past two years, she has pulled away, and I feel like I do not even know her anymore.It started when she began dating her current boyfriend. At first, I was happy for her. He seemed charming and attentive. But over time, I noticed some red flags. He constantly checks her phone, criticizes her family in subtle ways and seems to isolate her from her old friends. Now, she rarely answers my calls or texts. If she does respond, it is short, almost cold, and always followed by an excuse like, "We have just been busy." She has canceled plans at the last minute, skipped holidays with our family and even blocked me on social media for a while after I gently expressed concern about how controlling he seemed.When I finally got her on the phone a few months ago, I tried to tell her I missed her and asked if everything was okay. She got defensive and said I was judging her relationship and making things worse. I have not heard from her since.I am heartbroken and confused. I love my sister deeply and just want her to be happy, but I also worry she is in an emotionally abusive relationship and does not see it. At what point do I stop trying to reach out? How do I support her without pushing her farther away? Shut Out and Worried Dear Shut Out: Your instincts are telling you something important, and from what you describe, your sister may indeed be in a controlling relationship. Sadly, isolation is one of the oldest tricks in the emotional abuser's playbook. He likely wants to cut her off from the people who care about her so he can control the narrative and keep her dependent on him.That said, you cannot force her to see what she is not ready to admit. What you can do is leave the door open. Let her know clearly and calmly that you love her, that you will always be here for her, and that you are concerned, not because you disapprove, but because you care. Then give her space.Keep your tone gentle and nonjudgmental in any future messages. Do not badmouth him. Just keep reminding her, however quietly, that she is not alone. If things get worse, she may eventually need someone to turn to. Let that someone be you. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com