Tension at the lake house

Dear Annie: Every summer, my husband "Jake" and I spend a week at his parents' lake house in Wisconsin. It's a beautiful spot — right on the water, with pine trees, hummingbirds and a little dock where Jake used to fish as a kid. When we first started dating, I actually looked forward to these trips. I imagined quiet mornings with coffee by the lake, helping out in the kitchen and bonding with his parents, "Barbara" and "Ron."But the reality has turned out to be much more complicated. Barbara is kind in her own way, but she has incredibly firm ideas about how everything should be done — from how the dishwasher is loaded to how long the napkins should be ironed (yes, ironed). The first summer I tried to help her in the kitchen, I sliced cucumbers the "wrong" way and put a wooden spoon in the dishwasher. She didn't yell or criticize; she just redid everything behind my back and didn't ask for help again. Now, years later, she still makes passive-aggressive comments like, "Oh, I'll just do it myself. It's easier that way."Ron is friendly but quiet, and he mostly retreats to the garage or out to the boat. Jake, meanwhile, slips into a kind of childhood mode when we're there. He's relaxed, happy to be home and doesn't seem to notice how tense I feel. I've tried bringing it up gently, but he always says, "That's just how my mom is," and changes the subject. I don't want to make waves, especially when it's his family's tradition and he genuinely loves these trips.Still, I find myself dreading them more each year. I try to put on a smile and be a good guest, but I end up feeling invisible. I spend the week trying not to get in the way, counting down the days until I can sleep in my own bed and not feel like a guest in someone else's routine.Is there a way to set healthy boundaries or talk to Jake without sounding ungrateful or starting a family drama? I don't want to take this time away from him, but I also don't want to spend our one real vacation each year feeling anxious and out of place. Tired at the Lake Dear Tired: You've been a good sport for a long time, but peace shouldn't come at the cost of your comfort. What you're dealing with isn't just a few quirky habits; it's a pattern that leaves you feeling like an outsider while on your own vacation.It's time for a calm, honest conversation with Jake. Let him know that while you appreciate his family's traditions, the lake house visits have become more stressful than relaxing. Ask for his support — whether that means setting some gentle boundaries with his mom, shortening the trip or staying somewhere nearby.You don't need to start a fight, but you do need to stop suffering in silence. You're Jake's partner, not just a guest — and you deserve a vacation that feels like one. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.