Family finds sister has changed

Dear Annie: My sister and I were inseparable growing up. We talked every day, shared everything and supported each other through some tough times, including the death of our dad five years ago. But ever since she started dating her current boyfriend about a year ago, things have changed in a way I never expected.At first, I tried to be supportive. But over time, I started noticing how he talks down to her, how he seems to monitor her phone and how she slowly began pulling away from everyone, including me. She stopped coming to family dinners. She rarely returns calls. The sister who once called to ask my advice about everything now acts like I am a stranger.It is not just me. Our mom is in her 70s and has been in and out of the hospital this past year. My sister used to be so attentive, but now she barely checks in. I have taken over the caretaking, which I do out of love, but I cannot lie; it hurts. I am grieving not only the distance but the silence. And I feel helpless watching her fade from the people who love her most.I miss her. I am scared for her. I have thought about confronting her boyfriend, but I am afraid it would only drive her further away. Part of me wants to just keep trying, while another part wonders if I need to step back and accept that she has made her choice, even if it breaks my heart.How do I help someone I love when she is shutting me out? Worried and Waiting Dear Worried and Waiting: It sounds like your sister is in a relationship that is both isolating and unhealthy, and unfortunately, people in those situations often pull away from the ones who care the most. You cannot force her to see what you see. What you can do is let her know the door is open. Keep your messages simple and loving. Avoid criticizing her boyfriend directly — it will only make her more defensive.Continue caring for your mother and taking pride in the fact that you are doing the right thing. I know it hurts, but your sister has to come to her own conclusions in her own time. In the meantime, protect your own peace. Do not let guilt or resentment take over.You are a good sister. Be steady, not pushy. She may come back. And when she does, you will be there. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com