Mom wonders about talking to adult kids about relationship

Dear Annie: I am a 60-year-old divorced mom with three grown children in their 30s. I have spent most of my adult life putting my family first, especially after my marriage ended more than a decade ago. I raised my kids mostly on my own, worked full time and never really dated seriously again. Part of that was fear, and part of it was being too busy trying to hold everything together.Now, for the first time in years, I have developed a close friendship with a male co-worker who is about my age. We have worked together for a long time, and over time, that connection has grown into something more intimate. We both agreed that we are not looking for anything serious — just companionship, affection and a little joy in an otherwise routine life.The problem is, I have not told my children. I worry they will see it as inappropriate or think I am making a mistake. They are very protective of me, and I can already imagine the raised eyebrows and awkward silences. Part of me feels I deserve to enjoy this chapter of my life without having to explain myself, but another part feels guilty, like I am hiding something.Is it wrong for me to keep this relationship private? Should I tell my children, or is this part of my life none of their business? Still a Woman, Not Just a Mom Dear Still a Woman: You have every right to seek companionship and joy in this stage of your life. You spent years putting others first, and it is perfectly natural and healthy to want something that is just for you. Being a mother does not mean you stop being a woman with your own needs, desires and emotions.Your relationship with your co-worker sounds respectful, mutual and grounded in emotional maturity. There is nothing shameful about wanting closeness, especially when it brings comfort and happiness.That said, it is also understandable that you are worried about your children's reactions. Adult children can be surprisingly quick to judge when it comes to their parents' personal lives, especially if they are used to seeing you only in the role of Mom. They may not mean to be hurtful, but it can be jarring for them to realize that you have a life outside of them. Some adult children struggle with the idea that their parent is no longer just a caregiver or adviser, but a person with vulnerability, desire and autonomy.But you are allowed to have boundaries, and not everything in your life needs to be shared or explained.If you choose to tell them, frame it in a way that helps them understand that this is a positive and meaningful part of your life. Let them see that you are not asking for their permission or approval but simply letting them into a part of your world — on your terms. If you choose to keep it private, that is your right, too.You have taken care of everyone else for so long. It is OK to take care of yourself now. You are still a mother, but you are also still a whole, vibrant person. Don't lose sight of that. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com