Son's behavior is hot and cold

Dear Annie: My son's wife was pregnant with their third child in November 2021. At that time, even though my wife is severely handicapped, I offered to come over and spend time with the "grandkids" while she gave birth. She called in December and said, "Pop, I'm in labor." I said, "Don't worry, I'll look in on the kids while you all are in the hospital." I spent two great days with the kids, bought them McDonald's and, the middle child's favorite, Wendy's. I sat with them, talked and played video games, which they beat me at. We laughed and had a great time.Then, on the third day, she was coming home, and my son sent me a text saying, "Don't come over for a couple weeks so we can get the baby acclimated." I replied that we weren't even considering coming over and he didn't have to say anything.But then he told me, "Well, just like the last two kids, we won't allow you and Mom to see this one for two years."I'm 65, and my wife has had a stroke and heart attack recently. I've been diagnosed with an aortic aneurysm. So our time is valuable.I told my wife, and she cried. She said, "I'm done with her and him." He smokes weed 24/7, and I'm not opposed to weed, but there are limits.We ran into some previous good friends of theirs two days ago. They told us they haven't spoken to them either or really spent any time with them this past year. They told us she's strange, and he smokes weed because his life with her sucks.We're confused, and at this point, I find their lack of compassion ridiculous.We had six kids and were always heading right to our parents to show them off. Confused in Maryland Dear Confused: Not sure what you are confused about. Their lack of compassion is pretty straightforward. Your son needs to get help for his drug problem first and foremost. It has totally clouded his judgment. As far as letting you into the grandkids' lives and then out of the blue saying you can't see them for two years, that is cruel and irrational behavior. Next time your son is sober and you can have a real conversation with him, tell him how you feel. Ask him to ask his children if they enjoy hanging out with Grandma and Grandpa. My guess is that they will be very sad about their grandparents' distance. Dear Annie: This is in reply to the woman who signed her letter "Coping With Toxic Sister." I realize she raised a number of issues that you addressed, but the one that interests me was the photograph her sister took of her when her genitals were accidentally exposed.That picture could fit into the category of criminal child pornography if the woman was under 18 years of age, 30 years ago, when the photo was taken.Under federal law, whoever took the picture could qualify as a producer of child pornography, which has a mandatory 15- to 30-year prison sentence plus fines.Showing the picture to someone else could constitute distribution, and anyone who sees it could wind up being exposed to legal ramifications.Not incidentally, convicted child pornography criminals must register as sex criminals. Their names and addresses are a matter of public record, and most states maintain an internet site of sex criminals and their addresses. Watchdog Dear Watchdog: Thank you for your letter. You make a very important point if the woman was under 18 when the photo was taken. But that is a big "if," as there was no indication of the writer's age at the time of the photo. She said her nieces and nephews were children 30 years ago but did not say that she was a child. However, if she was a minor at the time, your understandable concern about the protection of children should be applauded. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.