Letter writer feels forgotten by friends

Dear Annie: I have always considered myself someone who values friendship deeply. I have many friends, at least on paper, but I have noticed something that has started to weigh heavily on me. I am almost always the one reaching out. If I do not initiate the call, text or invitation, days or even weeks go by in silence. It is rare that anyone checks in just to see how I am doing.I am 70 now, and lately I have been feeling the ache of loneliness more than ever. I still try to be upbeat, loyal and supportive. I listen attentively, I laugh easily and I never pretend to be perfect. I can talk about hard things, too. But despite all that, I often find myself alone. I do not feel like I am pushing people away, but I wonder if I am somehow missing something.Even with my adult sons, it is the same. I love them dearly, but they rarely reach out unless there is a reason. I know everyone is busy, but I cannot shake the feeling that if I disappeared tomorrow, it might take days before anyone noticed.I am trying to make the most of this stage in life, but time feels like it is moving quickly, and I am scared it might run out before I have had the kind of connection I long for. Am I alone in this? Do others my age experience this, too? And more importantly, is there anything I can do differently? Lonely in West Virginia Dear Lonely: You are not alone. Many people, especially as they get older, find themselves in the exact position you describe. Friendships shift, families get busy and somehow the phone stops ringing unless you are the one dialing.First, give yourself credit. You are showing up with heart, humor and honesty. That is no small thing. But here is the truth: relationships are a two-way street, and if you are always the one doing the work, it is OK to take a step back and see who notices. It may be disappointing, but it can also be clarifying.As for your adult sons, it might be time for a gentle, honest conversation. Let them know you miss them. Be specific about what kind of connection you are looking for. They may not realize how distant they have become.In the meantime, consider finding new ways to connect. Join a local group, take a class, volunteer or explore something that brings you joy. Sometimes the best way to feel seen is to start where the energy is, and that may not always be with the people you expected.Time may be moving quickly, but there is still room for new connection and meaning. You are not invisible. You matter. Do not be afraid to remind the world of that, kindly but clearly. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com