A wounded heart exposed

It was January 2024. My wife had passed away and the "Celebration of Life" was over. This ended five years of being a caregiver for meeting whatever needs that she had. The quietness of what was to come began to set in on me. My wife and I were very close, especially the last year of her life. I had tried to picture in my mind what it would be like without my wife, but you never can get a real picture of it until reality sets in. I had forgotten how to do certain things, like call someone up and say, "Would you like to go out to breakfast with me?" Or just just watch a television show and have someone to laugh with you, or just have anyone do anything with you. My girls were a big help, but something had changed and I just couldn't figure out what it was. I had been teaching Bible study for a number of years and was in the process of writing one when my wife passed away. I was so used to teaching with her by my side, but that had all changed and it didn't seem the same to me. I taught my last Bible study but not with the confidence I had always had before. I struggled with this for five months. What was different? I was starting to search for answers. In May 2024, I heard that the complex where I live was starting to rent out to college students who wanted the quietness of living off campus. My wife and I had always tried to get to know anyone who was moving in so if they needed anything we might be able to help them. It was different this time because I didn't have my wife to help me. So one by one they started moving in. I always sat outside in the evening because being from the country that is what you did at the end of the day. One by one I would speak to each one, trying not to make them nervous but just having conversations with them. Over a period of time I met three girls and two guys. I got to know them through different conversations through their coming and going each day. I normally keep people at a distance from me, but this was different. I would offer encouragement and insight about different things and for some reason friendships were forming and I really enjoyed getting to know them. But still — why these five? If you are persistent in asking questions to the Lord you will always get an answer. I said, "Lord I have given them encouragement and have gotten close to them. I would adopt them all if I could, but why them?" I could hear the Lord say to me just like my wife used to say to me, "Silly boy, just think about it." Then I got the answer. I was so close to my wife, especially the last year, and I loved her so much and had so much compassion for her that when she went home to be with the Lord I felt like someone stabbed me right in the heart and I was wounded. I didn't see it at first and I was quick to blame everyone else for the changes that I saw. The Lord could have sent friends to me but I didn't need familiar words — I needed to feel the weight of the problem. For the problem to be exposed the Lord would have to intervene. The Lord said to me, "You have done so many things to share your faith and people could see your love and compassion in it. When you lost your wife that disappeared. You were now just going through the motions. If I am going to keep using you then that love and compassion had to come back. The barrier you put up to keep people at a distance needed to come down. What better way than through young people who could learn and be encouraged by you yet more importantly, by their youth and desire for love and life what they could help you regain what you have lost by just being themselves." So there it was. Through the help of five young people I was able to have a wounded heart healed and it took away the wall of arrogance that I would hide behind and revealed the humbleness and the ability to love unconditionally again. The ability to just be me again. I am not completely there yet, but I feel so different. "So Lord, what about now that some have graduated and gone home and others will eventually move on?" The answer was quite clear. "All you have to be is who you are and they will be who they are. Love is stronger than anything." To this day, all have stayed in contact with me. There is a saying that I read that was from a mother to her daughter and I am applying it to these young people: "I cannot promise you that I will be here for the rest of your life, but I can promise that I will love you for the rest of mine." Thank you Lord for gifting me with compassion and the ability to love unconditionally! I especially thank you for five young people who made a difference in my life! A difference when I needed it! As far as being a caregiver? In the Lord's eyes I think we are all one. It's a matter of how much you care. But keep in mind that there could be consequences that come with that caring. Earl August works in the circulation department at The Courier.