Woman upset with promise ring

Dear Annie: I've been with my loving partner, "Daniel," for six years. We're both in our 40s and have children from previous relationships. Our life together is generally very harmonious. We share responsibilities, enjoy spending time together and support one another deeply. We align on most values and have built a life that, in many ways, feels incredibly solid.But there's one issue I can't seem to shake.For the past couple of years, I've been yearning for the commitment and security of marriage. Daniel, however, has always been hesitant. He never married his previous partner and has expressed his aversion to marriage, which seems rooted in the pain of his parents' divorce. While I understand his past, marriage is something that's profoundly important to me. And as much as I try to accept our differences, this longing keeps bubbling to the surface. I think about it almost every day and feel sad, frustrated and even angry that after all these years, we still haven't taken that step.Just yesterday, on my birthday, I thought things might finally change. Daniel handed me a ring box from a well-known Canadian jeweler, Spence Diamonds. My heart leapt. But when I opened it, he didn't get down on one knee. He simply explained the symbolism of the ring. I had to ask: "Is this a proposal?" It wasn't. It was a promise ring.To be fair, I appreciated the thought. I know it meant something to him. But I'm 41 — not 16. I'm looking for real commitment, not vague promises. I felt humiliated for thinking, even for a moment, that this was the engagement I've longed for. I hope I responded with grace, but inside, I was deeply hurt. Later, I asked what exactly he was promising. He said, "That there's more to come."And now I feel more confused than ever. Why isn't he ready? A promise ring at this stage of life feels juvenile. To me, it was a clear message: I am not ready — or willing — to marry you.A close friend advised me to give the ring back and tell him kindly but firmly that while I value the gesture, I'm a grown woman seeking a clear commitment — not a placeholder. Not Looking for Promises Dear Not Looking for Promises: You are not wrong to feel disappointed. After six years of partnership, it is completely natural to want clarity and commitment, especially when marriage holds deep personal meaning for you. A promise ring, while thoughtful in intention, does not carry the same weight as a clear and mutual agreement about the future.It sounds like Daniel is comfortable with how things are, but you are not. That is not a judgment of him or of you. It is simply a reality that needs to be addressed with honesty. Love alone is not always enough when your visions of the future do not match.You have waited patiently and hoped respectfully, and you need to ask yourself how long you are willing to live in uncertainty. You deserve more than mixed signals. You deserve a partner who shares your vision or is at least willing to meet you halfway.Return the ring if that feels right. Not out of anger, but as a clear boundary. This is not the step you are asking for. Then have the hard conversation without pressure but with honesty. You are not a girl waiting for a promise. You are a woman asking for clarity. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.