Boundaries under one roof

Dear Annie: My husband and I live in a three-bedroom house with our two grown children. Recently, our youngest daughter had a baby and moved back home — bringing her boyfriend with her. We told her beforehand that he couldn't stay here, but they moved him in anyway. Now, the two of them — and their baby — are living out of her bedroom.They both work but don't earn enough to afford their own place. He wants to stay close to the baby, which we understand, but the situation is far from ideal. He's a picky eater who prefers restaurants over our home-cooked meals. Five adults are sharing one bathroom. And he's a slob — her bedroom floor is often covered in pizza boxes and food wrappers. I'm especially worried about the baby's safety in that environment.Here's the dilemma: if we insist that her boyfriend move out, we know our daughter will go with him — likely to his parents' home. His parents live beyond their means, are deep in debt and regularly rely on their children to get by. I fear our daughter will be pulled into that same cycle.How can we encourage healthier financial habits in her boyfriend without crossing boundaries? He says it's none of our business since they're adults. But if they don't make changes, they'll be living here indefinitely. We love our daughter and granddaughter, but our home just doesn't have the space — or stability — for this long term. Out of Room Parents Dear Out of Room Parents: You're not just dealing with a crowded house; you're also trying to protect your granddaughter's well-being while navigating two adults who aren't taking full responsibility for themselves.You can't force your daughter and her boyfriend to manage money differently — but you can set boundaries about how long they can stay under your roof and under what conditions. Let them know the current setup isn't sustainable, and give them a reasonable timeline to either improve the living situation or move out.As for encouraging better financial habits: instead of lecturing, offer practical tools. Help them make a budget or suggest they meet with a financial counselor. Frame it as support, not judgment.You can't keep them from moving in with his parents, but enabling the situation at home isn't the answer either. Trust that your daughter will make the best decisions she can. Dear Annie: My husband and I host a good deal of parties and dinners throughout the year with a mix of family and friends.Some of our guests have different dietary lifestyles or concerns; we have a few guests who are vegan, vegetarian, pescatarian and gluten free.When planning what we will serve. I am concerned to make sure we have enough offerings for the various dietary preferences. My husband seems to think we should plan our menu around what we like or what the majority prefers, and the guests with the dietary restrictions should know enough to arrive with their own food.Your word will be the final say for how we plan our menus going forward. What's a Party Menu If Your Guests Can't Eat Anything You Serve Dear What's a Party Menu: When inviting someone over for a meal, it's thoughtful to ask if they have any allergies, restrictions or preferences. That doesn't mean creating a five-course meal to fit every preference, but it does mean being considerate enough to include a few dishes that accommodate your guests' needs. These days, it's pretty easy to find tasty recipes to accommodate various diets.If someone's limitations feel too difficult to accommodate at home, consider asking them to share a favorite recipe or meet at a restaurant where they feel comfortable.Your husband's "majority rules" mindset might make hosting simpler, but hospitality isn't just about serving food; it's about making people feel welcome. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.