Woman worn out by partner's porn habit

Dear Annie: I am a 43-year-old woman with a 6-year-old daughter. Her father is 50. We were never in a serious relationship, just friends with benefits, until I became pregnant. At first, he wanted nothing to do with the baby and even pushed for an abortion. I chose to continue the pregnancy, and eventually he came around and was there during that time.When I gave birth, he dropped me off at the hospital but didn't come in. He was at home when I returned with our daughter. He stayed with us for the first six months and then went to jail. After he got out, he wasn't consistently involved. He would show up when it suited him.As our daughter got older and started forming a bond with him, he moved in with me. I live with my elderly father, and we are technically together, but it's really only for our daughter's sake.Here's the problem. He has a serious porn habit. He spends hours in the bathroom watching explicit videos and following women online — women whose bodies look nothing like mine. I've also overheard him talking disrespectfully about other women to his friends. He brushes it off as jokes or says I'm being insecure.Recently, I checked his phone (I know I shouldn't, but I had a gut feeling), and I saw a message to a friend where he said he wanted five minutes with a woman for sex. When I confronted him, he called it immature behavior and claimed it meant nothing. He promised to stop, but I've heard that before.I'm tired of the lies, the disrespect and feeling like I'm not enough. But he tells me I'm overreacting and being too emotional. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Or is he gaslighting me? Worn Out and Wondering Dear Worn Out and Wondering: You are not overreacting. You are being disrespected and emotionally worn down by someone who refuses to take responsibility for his behavior. Constantly watching porn, lying and making crude comments are not just signs of immaturity. They may indicate a deeper problem like compulsive porn use or sex addiction, both of which require professional help.Whether or not he chooses to get help is up to him. Your responsibility is to protect your emotional health and create a stable, respectful environment for yourself and your daughter. You deserve better than this.If he is willing to seek help, he can start by contacting the following resources:— Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA): 1-800-477-8191 or visit saa-recovery.org— Porn Addicts Anonymous (PAA): https://www.pornaddictsanonymous.org/— National Helpline for Mental Health and Substance Use: 1-800-662-HELP (4357) — free, confidential, and available 24/7Please also consider speaking with a therapist for yourself. You are not alone, and you are not crazy for wanting honesty, loyalty and peace. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.