Sister-in-law strikes back

Dear Annie: I never thought that I would be writing a complaint to one of these columns, but here it goes. I married my husband 12 years ago, and I was excited because that meant (well, I thought) that I would be getting seven sisters. My husband is the only boy among seven girls.Well, his youngest sister has an attitude as thick as molasses. I have tried throughout the 14 years I have known her to get her to like me, but she will only talk to me when she wants to, and she gets away with everything. A couple of years ago, my family and I were at a family dinner, and she was there. Everything was going well; some of the sisters (including her) were in the family room, and we were all talking, having a pleasant conversation. Things changed when an accident I caused occurred.This Cruella de Vil of a sister-in-law doesn't allow anyone to kiss her child. Well, when it was time for my family to leave, I got up to grab the stuff that we had brought, and without even thinking, I kissed her daughter on the head. She then smacked me across the face and yelled at me, saying that nobody kisses her. I haven't been to a family gathering with her there since, for I'm afraid that she is going to run across the room and slap me again. His other siblings kept making excuses that she was pregnant and was having a complicated pregnancy. Every time I'm in the same room with her, my anxiety goes through the roof. I have been through counseling, and even my counselor says to stay away.Well, I had lunch with one of his other sisters, and the topic came up. She said that I can't run away from it forever and that I have to face my fears. Do I have to face my fears? Or can I stay away as long as I want, even if it is until I'm old and dead? Confused in South Dakota Dear Confused: Her protective instincts (no doubt intensified by her pregnancy) don't excuse what she did. Slapping someone is assault, and it crosses a very clear line.Your anxiety around her makes perfect sense, and you're not "running away" by protecting yourself and choosing to limit contact. In fact, distancing yourself is a healthy boundary and perfectly acceptable option.That said, if part of you is wondering whether a conversation could help clear the air, that might be worth exploring — but only on your terms. If there's hope for mutual respect moving forward, it could make family reunions a whole lot easier. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com