Woman receives no support from fiance's family

Dear Annie: Last October, my son and I bought a home with a pool. My fiance's son, who had not visited his father in years, offered to drive the moving truck. My fiance could not lift much due to a shoulder injury, but his son helped unload a few items. After the move, they visited once, and I welcomed them with food and hospitality. That was the last time they came, even though we continued visiting them.Fast forward 10 months. My fiance's health has declined. During a recent emergency room visit, the doctors found an enlarged aortic artery. Around the same time, I received a text from his daughter-in-law. She did not ask about his health. She just wanted to know if they could come swimming.When my fiance needed pre-op testing, I could not take him due to work. His son reluctantly agreed, but while we were talking about it over the phone, he cut short our conversation and snapped, "You need to get the (expletive) off the phone. I need the GPS." I was shocked. I later sent him a heartfelt message expressing my disappointment and concern about how disconnected he has been from his father.His only reply was, "Whatever. You are too much. Just leave me alone."Now I have told my fiance I will handle all future appointments, but I want no further involvement with his son or daughter-in-law. This has upset him, but I have reached my emotional limit. I feel used, unsupported and drained.Why do I still feel like I have done something wrong? Protecting My Peace Dear Protecting My Peace: You have done nothing wrong. You have shown up with love, loyalty and care when it mattered most. What you are feeling is not guilt; it is grief over being unsupported and mistreated by people who should have stepped up.Setting boundaries with your fiance's son and daughter-in-law is not selfish. It is necessary. Their behavior has been thoughtless at best and cruel at worst. You are protecting your peace so you can continue to care for your fiance without added stress.Stand by your decision. You are not the problem. You are the strength holding everything together. Dear Annie: For years, I went all out to celebrate my husband's birthday, Father's Day and Christmas. I took the time to pick out thoughtful gifts, cook his favorite meals and make him feel special. I did it because I loved him, and because I believed that showing appreciation mattered.But when my birthday or a holiday came around — nothing. Not even a card or a simple "Happy Birthday." Year after year, I quietly swallowed the hurt, but inside, it felt like a knife in my heart. I began to dread my own birthday, knowing it would come and go like any other day.One year, I couldn't take it anymore. On his birthday, I did nothing. No cake, no gift, no "Happy Birthday." When he got home from work, he looked around, confused. Eventually he asked, "You didn't get me anything for my birthday?" I said calmly, "I got you the same thing you always get me. Nothing." And I went back to doing the dishes.That was 35 years ago, and I can honestly say, he has not forgotten a single special occasion since.Why do some partners only realize the importance of appreciation after they have been given a taste of their own medicine? Is there a better way to get the message across without having to go to extremes? Vindicated but Worn Out Dear Vindicated but Worn Out: Sometimes the only way to be heard is to stop speaking and let your absence do the talking. You gave him a clear, honest lesson and thankfully, he got it. While it should not have taken that kind of silence to spark his awareness, the important thing is that it worked.Ideally, appreciation should be mutual and freely given, not earned through protest. But your story is a reminder that it is never too late to teach someone how to treat you. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com