Funerals and feeling forgotten

Dear Annie: I've always prided myself on being a good friend. I'm the one who shows up at weddings, baby showers, birthday parties and even moving day. I donate to friends' fundraisers, send thoughtful messages, and make the effort to call, check in and extend invitations. In short, I've always been there when it mattered. But three months ago, my mother passed away, and not a single one of my so-called friends showed up to her funeral. No cards. No flowers. Not even a phone call. Even people from my church, who I thought would at least offer some words of comfort, were completely silent. To say I'm heartbroken doesn't begin to cover it. I've never felt so abandoned, and in a moment when I truly needed support. I'm 61 years old and well aware that making new friends at this age isn't easy. Is this how friendship works now — so one-sided, so lacking in empathy? Why is it that people no longer seem to value compassion or basic human decency? Feeling Forgotten Dear Feeling Forgotten: First, let me say how deeply sorry I am for the loss of your mother. Grief is heavy enough without the added pain of feeling abandoned by those you once considered friends. You have every right to feel hurt. Your expectations were not unreasonable. They were rooted in the kind of kindness and loyalty you have always shown others. When that was not returned during your most vulnerable moment, it felt like a betrayal. That is not just disappointing. It is devastating. Now, some of your friends may not have known what to say, or they may have assumed you wanted space. But silence in the face of grief is still silence. And sadly, we live in a time when many people have grown passive in their relationships, present for the parties, absent for the pain. Do not let their failure harden your heart. You deserve meaningful, mutual friendships, and while they may be harder to find at 61, they are not impossible. True friends are out there, often in unexpected places and stages of life. You have given much of yourself over the years. Perhaps now is the time to turn that generosity inward. Heal. Reflect. And when you are ready, consider opening yourself up to new circles grief support groups, volunteering or classes — where kindness and connection still matter. As Ann Landers used to say, "Do not let the donkeys get you down." You are not alone, just in need of people who show up when it counts. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.