Setting limits on good deeds

Dear Annie: I've been helping my neighbor with errands and yard work ever since his wife passed last fall. He's 82, lives alone and doesn't have any close family nearby. At first, it felt good to help — and I still care about him — but lately, it's gotten overwhelming.He's started calling me daily, asking me to pick up groceries, sit with him during his doctor appointments and even fix things in the house that are out of my skill set. I work full time and have two kids, and it's starting to affect my home life.I feel guilty backing off because he truly has no one else. But I also don't want to become his only lifeline. How do I set limits without abandoning someone who clearly needs help? Overextended Dear Overextended: Your compassion has clearly made an impact, but that doesn't mean you need to become your neighbor's only source of support — especially when that comes at the expense of your own family.Help him help himself by connecting him with local senior services, a church outreach group or a caregiver service.You're not turning your back on him. You're making sure he has more than one place to turn. Dear Annie: I have a wonderful son. He's kind, generous, loving and easygoing to a fault. I've always had good relationships with his girlfriends. He's been seeing a new woman for about four months now who, on paper, is perfect for him, and she loves me. The problem I'm having is, she tends to make comments and little digs at his expense. For example, it'll be something along the lines of, "Of course I told him to do this — and of course he forgot." It's literally every time we're together. Sometimes he stands up for himself, sometimes he doesn't. We all have an awkward laugh and I change the subject. I really don't want to dislike her, but I don't know what to do without going full "mom-commander" mode. Any suggestions? Mama Trying Not to Meddle Dear Mama: You're right to be irked by those comments. A lighthearted tease every once in a while is one thing, but if this girl's ragging on him every time you see her, it's become a bad pattern. Not only is she putting him down, but she's doing it publicly, which certainly isn't the best or most productive way to give a partner feedback. Next time she makes a remark, try addressing it with "Oh, he deserves a little more credit than that," or pointing to something he didn't forget. A subtle comment back may help her realize she's coming off harsh without awkwardly confronting her about it. And if that doesn't do the trick, talk to your son directly. Ultimately, it's not so much that you dislike this girl but that you want to protect him and see him treated well. I'm sure your son will be able to tell and appreciate that your heart's in the right place. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com