Trust gone after husband dips into emergency savings

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 11 years, and we've always kept separate finances. It worked well until about a year ago, when he got laid off and started dipping into our joint emergency savings without telling me. I only found out when I went to pay our property taxes and the account was almost empty.When I confronted him, he said he didn't want to worry me and that he planned to "put it all back." He's since picked up freelance work but hasn't replaced what he used.The problem is, I don't trust him anymore. I'm still working full-time, paying most of our bills, and handling all the insurance and retirement stuff. I feel like I'm being asked to hand over the keys to the car he already crashed. He says I'm being dramatic and that couples shouldn't be so "transactional."Is it wrong to want to keep our finances separate going forward? Guarding My Wallet Dear Guarding My Wallet: Of course not, and a breach of trust like that is all the more reason to stay separate. A couples therapist can help rebuild what's broken. Until then, protect yourself and your future. Dear Annie: My daughter-in-law never forgives or forgets anything that's happened in her 13 years of marriage to my son. As a result, she punishes us by keeping us from our grandchildren, who love us dearly. Sometimes my son FaceTimes with us when she's not home, but otherwise, we can go three to four months without seeing our grandkids if we say even one word or make one expression she doesn't like.To avoid fights, my son just goes along with it. This year, I wasn't even allowed to see my granddaughter for her birthday. I cry all the time because at my age, I may not have many years left with them.It feels like our daughter-in-law doesn't have a heart. We may not be perfect, but why can't she understand that the kids are the ones who suffer most by the distance she creates? Locked-Out Grandma Dear Locked-Out: Your daughter-in-law is steering the ship here, and your son has chosen to follow her lead. As much as you'd love to be more active in your grandkids' lives, you risk being shut out entirely if you push too hard. Your best bet is to be gracious and diplomatic, even if you don't think she deserves it.At the same time, keep a close, strong bond with your son. Tell him how much you value time with the grandkids, but don't put him in the middle with ultimatums. Respecting their boundaries may buy you more of those FaceTime calls.This isn't forever. One day your grandchildren will be old enough to decide what their relationship with you looks like. Until then, stay patient, loving and steadfast — that's what they'll remember. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com