Donating to family of the deceased

Dear Heloise: In regard to your hint about flowers at funerals, I no longer send flowers to funerals. Sometimes the service is so darn short, maybe 2 hours, and then it's right to the crematory or cemetery. I put the money and check form in an envelope that is made out to the family to help them with their expenses.Why waste the money on flowers? There are hospital expenses, funeral expenses, and expenses of finding someone to watch children so that they can have their services. There are also expenses afterward of having a wake for the people who did attend the funeral. There are expenses all over the place! Take the money and donate it to the family.Donating it to a charity sounds fine, but how much of it really goes to the charity? The bigger percent goes to administrative services or salaries. Give it directly to the family. They need the help the most. I read your column in the Troy Record every day. Tina U.,in Troy, New York Dear Heloise: I wanted to write in response to Scott W., in Lubbock, Texas, whose letter was recently printed in your column. When my daughter went off to college, I gifted her with a small, basic tool kit. She ended up making many friends on her dorm floor by loaning out the tools to put together basic furniture and other accessories that they brought with them.I'm afraid that Mr. Scott W. misunderstands the jobs of maintenance folks in the college dorms of today. They are paid to repair facility infrastructures, not to help students with personal items. Students coming to live in a dormitory facility are given lists of basic, needed essentials; a simple tool kit is a commonly listed item. Erika L.,in Belgrade, Montana Erika, thank you for your letter. I can remember how busy and exciting college used to be, but I don't remember anyone having a tool kit. However, times change, and a few tools probably do come in handy. Thanks for letting us know. Heloise Dear Heloise: I'm 85, and before I left home for college, my mom made sure I could cook a simple meal, iron a shirt and pants, sew a straight line on a machine, sew on buttons, balance a checkbook, and clean a house.My dad made sure I could properly maintain a lawn, tune up my car (points and plugs), change light switches and plugs, paint a room, wash and wax a car, and do some simple plumbing.I cannot tell you how valuable and usable these hints were for me. Ray,in Texas Ray, your folks were very smart. I receive so many letters from people who complain that their children can't do simple tasks. My question is always: "Why didn't someone teach them how to do these things?"You should teach your children to survive on their own, especially with simple tasks. Heloise Dear Heloise: I missed the original letter from Lee E. regarding Santa Claus, but I read the reader responses in other columns. I never told our kids about Santa Claus. They came home from preschool and told me all about him. When I expressed skepticism, they assured me that it was all true. Years later, when they asked if Santa is real, I assured them that he is. Saint Nicholas of Myra, aka Santa Claus, may be dead, but he's still real. John Ruffner,via email