When tough love turns too tough

Dear Annie: My husband, "Keith," and I have been married for 12 years. We've always been a team when it comes to parenting our two kids, ages 9 and 6, but lately I've noticed a shift. Keith has become increasingly harsh with them, especially our oldest, "Ben." He'll snap over small things — like a jacket left on the floor or a missed chore — and his tone has turned cold and critical.I've brought it up several times, but Keith insists he's "just trying to teach them responsibility." I understand that, but I worry he's doing more harm than good. Ben has started shutting down emotionally, and our younger one is now walking on eggshells.When I try to step in and soften things, Keith accuses me of "undermining" him. I'm stuck between protecting my kids and maintaining a united front as parents. I've suggested counseling, but he refuses, saying we don't need it.How do I support my children without turning this into a bigger conflict between me and my husband? And how do I get Keith to see that his approach may be damaging? Worried Wife and Mom Dear Worried: Parenting is a balancing act between being a rule enforcer and being a safe space. While Keith's intentions may be good, snapping over small things is not an effective way to get the message across. In fact, it'll probably backfire.When you confront Keith, describe what you're seeing, not just what you feel: "Ben barely speaks at dinner after you scolded him for forgetting to sweep." Keep the focus on impact, not intention.If he won't go to counseling, go without him — for yourself and your children. A counselor can help you find strategies to navigate this dynamic and support your kids emotionally. Dear Annie: My co-worker and I have been good friends for about five years. All of a sudden, she's started bringing her husband along when we go out for after-work drinks. She says he likes me and enjoys hanging out with us.There's no creep factor or hidden agenda. He's fine as a person, but I prefer to just hang with my friend one-on-one like we always used to. How do I handle brushing off her invitations? I no longer want to hang out with both of them. Three's a Crowd Dear Three's a Crowd: An unexpected third wheel once in a while is one thing, but it's different when they become a permanent fixture at every outing. Marriage often changes social dynamics, but that doesn't mean you can't miss the friendship you once had before it became a packaged deal.Be honest with her — "I love hanging out with you, but I miss our girls' nights. How about we keep it just the two of us this time?" If she can't take a few hours away from her husband, that's her choice, but you have every right to bow out. You get to decide how and with whom you spend your time. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com