Engaged and estranged

Dear Annie: I'm in a strange situation with my childhood best friend, "Lila." We're both 32 now, and while we've stayed close over the years, something shifted after I got engaged last spring. Lila has always been single, and she's made it clear she doesn't believe in marriage. I respect that. But since I got engaged, she's been acting distant — canceling plans, being short in conversation and even making little digs about "brides losing their identity."I asked her directly if something was wrong, and she brushed it off, saying she's "just been busy." I included her in the bridal party, but she turned it down, saying it wasn't "her thing." It hurt, but I tried to be understanding. Still, when mutual friends bring up wedding stuff, her mood totally changes. I can't tell if this is jealousy, discomfort or something else, but I miss how we used to be.Should I press the issue or let the distance be what it is? I want her in my life, but I don't know if I should keep reaching out when it feels so one-sided now. Bride With a Broken Friendship Dear Bride: For whatever reason, weddings are a difficult subject for Lila. If she won't tell you what that reason is — even after you asked directly — then there isn't much more you can do besides accept that she's not going to be a bridesmaid.It's disappointing, of course, especially when you want her by your side. But her reaction seems more about her own feelings around marriage than about your relationship. Maybe one day she'll open up about it, but for now, the best thing you can do is wish her well and focus on the people who do want to be there. Dear Annie: My older brother, "James," has always been the golden child in our family. I've made peace with that over the years. But recently, he asked me to be the legal guardian of his two kids "just in case something ever happens." I was caught off guard because we're not that close, and he knows I don't want children of my own. I asked why he wouldn't ask one of his close friends or even his wife's sister, and he said he "wouldn't trust anyone else."On the one hand, I'm honored that he sees me as responsible and trustworthy. On the other, it feels like he's asking me to take on a life I never wanted, based more on convenience or guilt than actual closeness. I also worry about how our parents would react if I said no. They'd likely see it as selfish.How do I say no without creating a rift or making it seem like I don't care about the kids? I love them, I really do — but I don't want to raise them. Not Mom Material Dear Not Mom: There are many ways to love and support your brother without agreeing to raise his children. Tell him how honored you are that he sees you as trustworthy, but be honest: You've never seen yourself as a mother, and his children should have a parent who can love them the way they deserve.If it helps, you can offer to stay involved in the kids' lives in another way — as a godparent, mentor or someone they can always count on. That support still matters.How your brother responds is up to him. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com