Losing My Nephew to Family Politics

Dear Annie: My sister-in-law has disliked me for as long as I can remember. I've never fully understood why, but over the years she's made her feelings clear in a hundred small ways — cold shoulders at family gatherings, pointed comments and a general effort to keep me at arm's length. I've always tried to rise above it for the sake of the family, especially because I was close to her children while they were growing up. Her oldest son recently got married, and somehow she has managed to turn his new wife against me as well. Practically overnight, my nephew — now a newly married man — has cooled toward me. It's as if he's forgotten the years of support I gave him. I always showed up for him, driving three and a half hours to his football games, sitting in the bleachers in the rain and supporting him through the rough patches. I never expected anything in return, but I did think our bond meant something. Now I feel like an outsider looking in on a family I once felt very much part of. I'm not interested in choosing sides. I just want to know if there's any hope of salvaging these relationships or if I should step back and accept that his mother's opinion of me has become the family party line. Is there anything I can do to rebuild a connection with my nephew? Hurt and Hoping Dear Hurt and Hoping: It sounds as though your sister-in-law has been steering this ship for years, and now your nephew and his wife are drifting in her wake. That stings, especially after all the miles you logged to support him growing up. You can't rewrite whatever story she's telling. What you can do is stay gracious and above the fray. A simple, friendly note to your nephew — "Wishing you both well, my door is always open" — keeps the lines of communication intact without guilt or drama. Then let the ball sit in his court. People often lean toward the loudest voice in the family, but time has a way of revealing who treated them well. Dear Annie: Several months ago, I wrote as "Concerned Nephew" about a brief bathroom moment — I didn't wash my hands and fibbed to my aunt — that led to embarrassment and a misunderstanding I'd let weigh on me for years. I just wanted to take a minute to thank you for not only publishing my letter but for your invaluable reply and how much it's helped me. I have PTSD which has led to OCD that can be a little overwhelming at times. I tend to be very hard on myself for minor mishaps. In your reply, you stated I had made "a small, human mistake" with my aunt. I've used this in several ways to forgive and not be so hard on myself — and to give others more grace, too. It's also helped me from getting caught up on things that, in the grand scheme, are quite unimportant. I can't thank you enough. I appreciate your help, kind words and advice that help so many of us just trying to get by and live a healthy, meaningful life. Finding More Joy Dear Finding More Joy: I can't thank you enough for your letter! It makes me so happy that the advice not only helped with this situation but also brought more peace into other parts of your life. We're so often our own harshest critics, but we're all living life for the first time. We do the best we can, and we deserve grace, especially in the moments when we don't get it right. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.