The saga of sneaky snake

One April day last year, Snookums had gotten up early and was getting ready to feed our dogs their morning breakfast. Bramble, our food-motivated English cocker was unusually absent while she gathered their bowls. Suddenly, the quiet morning was broken by frantic barking and growling. She found Bramble bouncing about in the room adjacent to the kitchen. 120-pound Gracie the Bernese plodded in that direction to check out the excitement. The prancing dog was quickly joined by prancing Snookums as she spotted the target of the dog's concern. Stretched out on our sunroom's floor was a very colorfully-emblazoned snake enjoying the warm morning rays coming through the windows. This resulted in Gracie joining in the fun and the three of them turned the kitchen into a scene from Dick Clark's American Bandstand. As panic slowly retreated, morphing into abject horror, the phone came out and she began snapping photos. Where was I, you're wandering? Why wasn't the long-experienced game warden wrestling this monster out the door? Well, I was six hours north getting ready for a nice day on a trout stream. It was about seven a.m. and my phone rang. It was hard to hear with our home's wooden floors resonating the foxtrot being performed in the kitchen. I was able to make out something like, "What is it? Do you know what it is? What do I do? What are YOU going to do?" I did recognize the voice, despite its elevated octaves. "Calm down, I have no idea what you're talking about." Note to self, "calm down" is probably not the best choice of words for future advice. She quickly discovered she hadn't hit "send" on the text. I instantaneously received the photos. "That's a beautiful example of a milk snake," I began. Further description was apparently unnecessary. "I already looked it up," Snookums said with what I thought was a bit of pride. "What would you do to get it out?" "Just put on a pair of gloves, pick it up in the middle with a firm gentleness and take it outside." Seemed simple to me. "Not happening." "Well, you can get a tall trash can, lay it on its side and, using a broom, briskly sweep the harmless snake into it and carry it outside." I thought this no-touch method would do the trick. "Not happening, either. I'm not getting that close – so now what?" "You know I'm six hours away, right? I'm not sure what you want me to do," I explained. It's strange how different people can interpret words… "I don't know. You're the one with all the answers. Give me one thing I can do that doesn't include touching it." After a moment, I suggested, "You could name it." After that, I was very glad I was six hours away. I promised to make some calls and find her a little help. In the end, I was able to contact my friend, Snakeboy Butterworth, who worked for the Division of Wildlife. He dutifully stopped by the house, located Snookum's hiding on our porch, was escorted to the snake's last known location, found it quickly, picked it up with a firm gentleness and carried it outside. Huh…who'd of ever thought of doing that…? When I finally got home, Snookums was calmed down considerably. She was still ready to buy Snakeboy a new truck – though I was worried about the possibility of my truck's brake lines becoming faulty. Funny little side to the story, I may have been the one that unintentionally imported the milk snake from our garage into the house while sorting through some stored fishing gear for my trip – at least I thought it was a little funny. The moral of the story is this: If you have issues with a critter appearing where it doesn't belong, doing damage to your property, or other such nuisance nuance – it's wise to seek professional advice. Searching the internet might do the trick. You can also get advice by calling the Division of Wildlife at 1-800-WILDLIFE or your local wildlife officer. If you get that advice, give it a try – or find a friend that might be able to help. If all else fails, the division can even give you a number for a local licensed animal removal business that may be able to assist, though you should expect a charge to be associated with the service – though I think buying them a new truck is a little excessive. Oh, and according to the only witnesses, the invading milk snake was somewhere between 14-inches and 7-feet. "Every great story seems to begin with a snake." – Nicolas Cage Along the Way After the whole snake ordeal in the house, I have discovered that the consecutive milder winters that we've had may have contributed to the story. As a reptile, a snake's body temperature is regulated by the warmth around it. It seems the milder temperatures allowed them to be more active for a longer period. As temperatures dropped, they were naturally looking to stay comfortable. Hence, the snake had possibly chosen a packed box as a den during the inclement changes. This year, winter arrived with a vengeance, insisting on making up for lost time. We had early snows, then deep cold, then more snow, then more snow and deep cold… you get the picture. I began to wonder about the effects on snakes that had become spoiled by the previous mild years. I reached out to people I suspected could be experts. After leaving several detailed messages on a dozen or so numbers, I finally got a call back. Dr. Anthony P. Rill the I; an expert on snake migration, offered some interesting insights. "While snake migration is rare – and even scoffed at by some pseudo-scholars – it's easily proven. For instance, you walk the same path for years and never see a snake. One day, you're walking the path and there slithers a snake," the Dr. explained. "Do you think it just showed up out of thin air?" "Further evidence can be found in the Everglades. Once, no pythons were in the huge swamp. Today, they're everywhere. While some claim that it's all due to the exotic pet trade, I would contend that the species has become adept at traveling by water by hiding in Florida-bound freighters. They've even been documented hiding in planes, as has been documented in major films," said Dr. Rill. I then told Dr. Rill about Snookums and the milk snake. He shook his head knowingly. "There are actually several reasons this phenomenon is occurring. First, the sudden blast of an exceptionally cold winter has driven many snakes toward entering structures of all types, especially those that have regulated heat sources. I call this micro-migration. I've taken many, many calls about snakes entering homes. In many instances, they have taken up residence and are having young. I predict that snakes will replace the mouse as the home's most invasive critter." "Of course, snakes and mice don't coexist well. Due to the seclusionary habits of snakes, the best way to determine if one has snakes living in their home is to look for evidence of mice. No mice, you likely have snakes," the good doctor explained. Dr. Rill then addressed the milk snake in our home. "I would guess you have milk or creamer in your home. This is a magnet for milk snakes. With the absence of livestock – specifically lactating cows or goats, the species is using micro-migration in search of its favored food source. Between its love of milk, hatred of mice, and desire for a warmer home, you virtually rolled out the welcome mat." Snookums wasn't going to like this news. Later, I met Snookums' savior, Snakeboy Butterworth, at Bourbon Affair – what I suspect to be his regular dinner venue – and I told him about my discussion with Dr. Rill. He stared down into his glass and thought deeply, emitting a quiet snore-like sound as he pondered our discussion. As his eyes came back up and refocused, he said, "Some people should not be allowed to think publicly." Seemed like a strange response. I tried to recontact Dr. A. P. Rill I for further comment, but his number was no longer valid. "Today (April 1) is the only day where telling the truth is suspicious." - anonymous Step Outside • Tomorrow: Primitive Blackpowder Muzzle Loader Shoot, round ball only, 1 p.m. Black Swamp Muzzle Loaders Club, 8831 Township Rd. 19, McComb. Email: roadkill4u@hotmail.com • Today-Tomorrow: 32nd Annual Ohio Open Season Sportsman's Expo, Ohio Expo Center (Bricker Building), Columbus. For hours, events, seminars, and tickets: www.openseasonsportsmansexpo.com/ohio/ • Thursday: Trap and Skeet Practice, open to the public. 4 p.m. – 7 p.m. UCOA, 6943 Marion Township 243, Findlay. • Today: Division of Wildlife St. Marys Fish Hatchery Openhouse, 01735 Feeder Rd, St Marys, OH 45885. 10 a.m. – 2 p.m. Learn more about the history and purpose of Ohio's hatcheries, as well as their operations. • Today-Tomorrow: Steel Challenge Shooting Event, UCOA, 6943 Marion Township 243, Findlay. For complete details: http://www.ucoa-findlay.com/steel-challenge.html • April 5: Trap Shoot, 1 p.m. Mount Blanchard Gun Club, 21655 Delaware Township 186. • April 11: Black Swamp Bucks Annual Banquet. Doors open at 3 p.m., dinner at 5:30 p.m. The Cube, 3430 N. Main St., Findlay. This home-grown organization has developed a statewide reputation for formulating a grassroots conservation effort, cooperating with other conservation clubs and ODNR to provide youth outdoor activities and education, providing habitat and conservation practices, and encouraging an ethical involvement in our hunting heritage. This fun fundraiser sells out quickly for both sponsors and individual attendies. Tickets are not sold at the door and are only available through a committee member or online at https://BlackSwampBucks.com/Banquet/. Hope to see you there! Abrams is a retired wildlife officer supervisor for the state Division of Wildlife in Findlay. He can be reached at P.O. Box 413, Mount Blanchard, OH 45867-0413 or via e-mail at jimsfieldnotes@aol.com.